How we were raised can profoundly affect how we parent. Come hear Frank’s story of how he leveraged the pain from time in an orphanage and ten years in foster care to be the catalyst in becoming the kind of dad he never had.

Frank will share how he and Liana have learned why it’s so crucial to “edit" our children’s stories in a manner that celebrates the unique gifts God has entrusted to them, rather than “authoring” our kids’ lives based on what we ourselves did or didn’t have.  

Frank will encourage us how we can help our kids Love God and Love Others in a way that makes their hearts sing.

GEMs of Wisdom from "Help Them Live a Great Story" by Frank Tate

Frank spoke straight from his heart about his difficult childhood and how Jesus became the father figure to him.   Frank also made a very intentional decision to pattern his own parenting after the unconditional love and lessons of Jesus.    Here are some of the encouragements Frank shared with us:

Kids do not come with an instruction manual because there is not one way to parent. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by God who created each of us with unique gifting.  Smart does not always mean academically gifted and success does not necessarily equate to wealth.

“They” (the so-called experts of “they say”) is equivalent to a lying marketing team.  When we listen to “they” it can become parenting by GPS; being sent to a destination without thinking for ourself.   “They” navigate for us, and we stop paying close attention to the landmarks and the data.

Our kids are “screaming data” at us.  It starts at birth.  It’s amazing how moms can discern their sons’ and daughters’ needs based on their different type of cry.  Adolescents are still “screaming data” at us, but it’s often quieter, maybe in the form of rebellion or withdrawal.

 Are we looking at and listening for the data our kids are screaming at us?  Or have we become too programmed by the GPS of “they” and are now parenting toward one singular notion of smart and successful?  Are we too busy to read the data? Do we have a different plan for our kids’ lives?  Are we trying to author their story?  “They”  have been pushing parents to be authors.

Our role is not to be author.  It is to be editor.  Our son’s and daughter’s life is not our story to write nor ours to tell.  A good editor improves a story by asking good questions and drawing out themes. Editing is invisible; the author (God) shines through. 

Let’s get in tune with what data is being communicated by our kids by observing them and asking good questions. This gives insight into their personality, passion and purpose. 

But first, moms - we need to give from a full cup not an empty one.  So fill your cup first.  What makes your heart sing?  Do we even remember what makes our own heart sing?  If we have forgotten how we ourselves are wired and what good things we gravitate towards, how we can effectively help identify what makes our kid’s heart sing?  We can benefit from taking a step back to assess those things about ourself before we assess them in our kids.

Determine if your child is an introvert or extrovert not by whether they are outgoing and like to be around people, but by how they recharge... being alone or being with others.  Tailor consequences of bad behavior toward your kids’ temperament.  Example:  Giving a time out to an introverted genius is heaven.  Time out for a social genius is hell.   But conversely, if what they actually need is time to recharge then offer alone time to the introvert and suggest some facetime for the extrovert.
 
Help your child discover his passion, “You seemed energized by... “ then celebrate it.

God is the greatest, most loving and creative author.  God does not get stuck on one page.  He knows the whole story.  Parents, let’s not get stuck on one sad or disappointing page of our kid’s story.  Help their story unfold to reflect God.  Shame never helps anyone.  Instead focus on lessons learned from mistakes.   We need to champion our children.

Kids are fully aware of what they are “not” so let’s help them be aware of what they “are.” Let’s celebrate who they are and not mourn for what they are not. Maximize our child’s gifts rather than worry about their weaknesses.  Find out what makes their heart sing and be their champions.  Encourage them to use their God given talents to love God and love others.

Thank you Frank, it was “super” night at GEM! 

Remember...Frank invited us to offer feedback to him!!  If you have comments, questions or want to know more about his upcoming book that expands on the themes above, please email Frank at frankt@5minutewalk.com